09 August 2008

The Levels of Irrationality

If I am irrational enough to panic when the Dodgers are only 2.5 games back, then I am certainly irrational enough to think that my panic helped them turn around and get back to nearly even with the Snakes. Next time the Dodgers fall to 2 or more games back I'm sure I'll be back at it, lamenting the end of the season and calling for Torre to be fired. And I will secretly hope that the Dodgers will respond to an obscure blogger's tirade, as well as hoping that the Snakes will at the same time be intimidated into losing a few games by my ranting. Fear my run-on sentences, Orlando Hudson!

That's pretty irrational. But it's not as irrational as I could be. It's not as irrational as the Dodgers can be either. There are levels of irrationality, which I will demonstrate below, along with some enlightening commentary. The further down the list we go the more irrational things are, until the very last item when Pierre is brought in to pitch.

1. Let's bench Loney so that Danny Ardoin can play!

Ardoin's home run yesterday was the most stirring Dodger backup catcher home run since Tom Prince hit one off Brian Bohanon in 1997.

2. Let's give up on Andy LaRoche and trade for an old guy who looks like Mark Hendrickson!

Blake has hit a lot better then Hendrickson ever did, and he hasn't fallen down while playing third base yet.

3. Let's use Brian Falkenbourg in a close game and then release him a few days later!

We had to make sure releasing Falkenburg was the right thing to do.

4. Let's spell Falkenborg's name three different ways because it's too much work to look up the proper spelling!

Hey, he's no longer on the roster. Cut me some slack!

5. Let's make Manny cut his hair!

Yes, because it's always a good policy to potentially piss off your mercurial superstar over a trivial matter. It's not like he'd ever quit on a team or fake an injury or anything.

6. Let's attribute some of Manny's success to his long hair!

Damon never played as well after his caveman days.

7. Let's bench Ethier in favor of Juan Pierre!

Pierre should play because he wants it more, which he demonstrates by bitching to the press. That's called leadership!

8. Let's bench Ethier in favor of Andruw Jones!

Young players need to build character by having their spirits crushed under overwhelming unfairness. Ethier hasn't built enough character yet.

9. Let's sign Juan Pierre to a 5 year deal!


10. Let's give Pierre an extension!

If he's got the hubris to complain about losing playing time when Manny, Kemp and Ethier are on the team, then he's got the hubris to ask for an extension with three years left on his deal while having the worst year of his career.

11. Let's give Jones an extension!

The more years we sign him for the more likely it is he'll hit 10 home runs for the Dodgers. Eventually.

12. Let's bring in Juan Pierre to pitch in a road extra inning game when only Broxton is left in the pen because Broxton has to be saved for the potential save situation.

I hear Pierre throws a mean riseball.

13. Let's do the same as above, except in a home extra inning game.

Imagine the cheers of the crowd when Pierre was announced as the pitcher.

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