24 August 2007

Mets Preview: A Woodland Mets-aphor

by Joshua Worley

The Dodgers are like small helpless field mice entering the concrete and steel forest of New York City. Many dangerous animals and birds are waiting to pounce on them and gobble them up. It will be a battle for survival for the timid mouse-like Dodgers.

David Wright --- The Fox

He's fast and wiry, strong and cunning. This is the most dangerous animal the Dodgers are likely to encounter. You can't stop the fox --- you can only hope to contain him.

Jose Reyes --- The Ferret

He kills with stealth, stealing into the mouse burrow when the sleeping mice least expect it. He disrupts everything the Dodger-mice want to do. The only hope is to keep him at home.

Carlos Delgado --- The Sleepy Bear

Look, if they're careful and smart, the Dodger mice should be able to avoid getting maimed or eaten by this past-his-prime lazy bear. But if they are unwary, and get too close, he can do as much damage as any of the Mets woodland predators.

Moises Alou --- The Old Badger

The Dodger mice underestimate the tough old badger at their peril. Recently recovered from an illness, his teeth are as strong as ever and if they let him get too close he'll tear them to shreds.

Carlos Beltran --- The Wolf

Though the Fox is overall the most dangerous land animal hunting the Dodger mice, the Wolf is perhaps the most devastating if he gets hold of them.

Luis Castillo --- The Migrant Porcupine

A recent addition to the forest, he won't eat the Dodger mice or bother them much. But if a Dodger mouse is unwary and wanders too close he will be stuck full of quills. There is almost no danger of getting eaten, though.

Lastings Milledge --- The Young Stoat

Someday he may be a ferocious killer, but presently he's just as likely to fall out of a tree than to successfully swarm down the trunk and execute a perfect attack on a hapless Dodger-mouse.

Shawn Green --- The Snake of Uncertain Type

He's probably a harmless grass snake, but maybe he's dangerous. He might not even show up around the forest very much, especially if the Young Stoat is about.

Paul LoDuca --- The Sick Wild Dog

He is sick and will not be a threat to the Dodger mice. He was once a tame dog and a friend to the Dodger mice, before being sent off to the wilds.

Mike DiFelice --- The Billy Goat

This is a completely harmless creature, unless a Dodger-mouse is foolish enough to be trod upon by him. The Goat wandered up from New Orleans when it heard the wild dog was sick.

Even though the Eagle ( Pedro Martinez ) is sick, the Dodgers will still face a formidable set of birds of prey, any of which can swoop from high without warning.

Oliver Perez --- The Hawk
Orlando Hernandez --- The Owl
John Maine --- The Falcon

And then, when a Dodger mouse is near death, the Vulture ( Billy Wagner ) will swoop down to finish it off.

Do the Dodger mice have any chance at all of survival? They may, if the younger, more active mice are sent into the forest of New York. Every edge matters when surrounded by carnivores.

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