21 May 2009

Hail the RBI! --- Game 42 Unfair Win Shares

All hail the RBI. The mighty RBI.

And those who bring to us the RBI: hail to them. Hail to the one who produces the precious RBI. His feat shall live and be sung of for a thousand thousand years, ( or until the next game, whichever comes first ).

All hail Russell Martin. Hail to J. Martin, maker of the RBI, driver of runs, batter of industriousness. Where lesser men failed before him, again and again, like mice being eaten by hawks, Martin was a cunning hamster, safe in his cage.

It was the inning of eight, and there was one run for the Dodgers, and there was one run for the Mets, and no man could drive in a run, not since the time of Hammurabi ( or the third inning, whichever is more recent ). And Hudson stood at the second base, and Ethier stood at the first base, and Martin took his stance at the plate. The first offering he disdained. The second offering came, and he swung, and low! the ball went, skipping across the earth, so hard and true that the in-gathered fielders could not touch it, and the out-gathered fielders were made to gather it after a lengthy time, and Hudson could run to the third base, and touch it, and then run to the home plate, and touch it, and thus record a run for the Dodgers.

And that was the last run that would ever be scored, and so the Dodgers were victorious, and shouted in glad cheer, while the Mets gnashed their teeth. For his RBI, Martin is granted a share of the win, though it be unfair, for he only had one hit, where Hudson and Pierre had two hits each, and a run scored each, but they did not do what Martin did, that feat of impossibility: the RBI.

Of the Dodger pitchers, many were strong, and all together they preserved the feat of Martin, before and after. They were the guardians of Martin's RBI moment, the keepers of the tie, the warriors of the win. They would not allow the RBI. Brent Leach was like a hawk, gobbling up Mets batters Murphy and Tatis like mice, and he is granted a share of the win, though it be unfair, for he consumed two outs, where Broxton consumed three, and Troncoso consumed six, but only Leach was called to enter the game with runners on second and third. And Weaver is granted a share of the win, though it be unfair, for he did allow an RBI, but he also consumed fifteen outs, and so he is forgiven, and allowed to ascend.

Unfair Win Shares ( Dodgers )

Martin -- 1
Leach -- 1
Weaver -- 1

Unfair Loss Shares ( Mets )

Murphy -- 1
Martinez -- 1
Putz -- 1

1 comment:

Dave said...

Classic - both literally and figuratively speaking.