05 May 2009

I love LA: Game 27 Unfair Win Shares

Hate New York City
It's cold and it's damp
And all the people dressed like monkeys
Let's leave Chicago to the Eskimos
That town's a little bit too rugged
For you and me you bad girl

That is the never heard first verse of "I love LA" by Randy Newman. Never heard at Dodger Stadium, anyway. They really ought to play that first verse whenever the Dodgers beat the Mets or Cubs. And Newman should be approached to write a dismissive verse for every other NL city as well. What could he say bad about San Diego, though? Other than it being full of Padre fans I can't think of anything wrong with San Diego.

Does Newman get a royalty payment for each play of this song at Dodger Stadium, or is it a flat fee for the entire season? I'd like to think that he gets paid by play, so that the more the Dodgers win the more they owe him. Maybe someone in accounting is starting to fret because the team is going way over on the "Newman Royalty Budget". The Dodgers weren't supposed to win every game, he's thinking desperately. The budget will be destroyed if they go 81-0!

The main culprit in the Dodgers' budget busting start has been the outfield, who gobble up all the unfair win shares for last night's game. That head accountant guy is probably putting horns and little evil goatees on their pictures right now. Even Pierre! Heck, Pierre should actually grow a goatee. ( If he can. ) It would make him look tougher. He'd probably draw more walks. A pitcher would take one look at him and think, "Uh oh, I'd better not throw strikes to him. He has a home run goatee." Hey, it worked for Jayson Werth. He's a badass power hitter with his goatee thing. Without it he's just some smooth-faced strikeout dude.

Unfair Win Shares ( Dodgers )

Manny -- 1
Ethier -- 1
Kemp -- 1

Unfair Loss Shares ( Snakes )

Davis -- 1
Rauch -- 1
Byrnes -- 1

edit: hey, I skipped ahead a few games. I had yesterday as game 29 instead of game 27. Fixed.

No comments: